Why everyone wants to be on television

Everyone who works on television is very, very rich like Jeremy Clarkson.

Even weather girls and weather boys make millions of pounds and are all very famous.

If you are on television people will stop you in the street and ask you questions. They ask the boys if their hair is real. They ask the girls if their boobs are real. Sometimes they do not do this. They do not ask Mr Clarkson if his hair is real.

If you are asked this question it will not matter what you say because people on social media will have their own opinions. They will be kind enough to share their opinions with you and with everyone else.

So that is why everyone wants to be on the television. No one wants to be a doctor or a train driver any more.

You don’t need to pass exams at school to be on television. So no one bothers with exams any more.

There are several things you should know about television.

First, you must have nice hair.

If you do not have nice hair you must get a wig.

You will not be famous on television if you do not have nice hair.

Second you must have a sad story.

Maybe you used to be a drug addict. Maybe you still are.

Maybe you are secretly heterosexual.

This will be something for you to confess.

You can make money out of selling your confession to the newspapers.

If people feel sorry for you they will like you a lot.

Once you become very famous you can make even more money by promoting shampoo or vaccines on the internet.

You will then become what is called an influencer.

Influencers make millions of pounds.

And become even more famous.

Now you know why everyone wants to be on the television.