Sunak and Truss (the two contenders for Johnson’s grubby crown as UK Prime Minister) are constantly upping the ante in an attempt to win over the Tory party members whose votes will decide the election – and give the winner access to untold wealth and power and a chance to enjoy some very expensive wallpaper.
The pair seems to be competing to make ever more lavish promises.
To save time I have managed to get hold of the final promises made by these two pigmies of British political life to the Tory party members who will elect our next Prime Minister.
Here are the promises I expect them to have made by the end of August:
- I will give £1 million to everyone who votes for me.
- I will give free fuel and a Rolls Royce to everyone who votes for me.
- I will send a man round to do your garden and clean out your swimming pool if you vote for me.
- I will arrange free servicing for your helicopter if you vote for me.
- I will arrange a free operation of your choice in a private hospital of your choice if you vote for me.
- I will make sure that all the nation’s firstborn children will go to Eton, with their fees paid by the Government.
- I will arrange free electricity for all Tory party members.
- I will arrange guaranteed GP appointments for everyone in the country – within an hour of asking.
- I will guarantee a place at Oxbridge for everyone with an IQ of more than 100.
- I will promise shorter queues at Heathrow for everyone who votes for me.
Sadly, of course, you and I, not being members of the Conservative Party, are excluded from many of these benefits.
But the comforting thought, however, is that no politician’s promise is worth a burp from a dead zebra.
Whatever happened to honour, decency, respect and dignity?
Gone, I fear, from politics forever.
Vernon Coleman’s book Endgame explains what has been happening for the last few years and what the conspirators are planning for our future. Only if we understand what is planned will we stand a chance of defending ourselves and our future.